Thursday, June 30, 2011

“A Biblical Model For Employee/Employer Relationships”

Mom and dad on her 65th Birthday
I thank mom and dad for instilling good work ethics in me. At 75 yrs. old, my dad still lays block and works hard right along side with his crew of masons. It amazes me just how strong he still is! I have never seen my dad mistreat or abuse any of his employees. And as a subcontractor, I have never seen him disrespect the general contractors he has done work for. I have a wonderful role model regarding employee/employer relationships.

I remember one hot summer day when I was out hoeing cotton near our home when I was 12 yrs. old. This was my very first job. I had aspirations of saving my money and buying myself a motor cycle to drive back and forth to junior high for my sport practices. It was an extremely hot day and I came home for lunch and informed my mom that it was too hot to work and that I was not returning back to work. In a calm voice, she asked me, “Son, did you inform your boss that you were not going back?” “No,” I answered. I saw her move towards the refrigerator and get the wire handled fly swatter and began to do what she had mastered, “smack the flies out of me” as she sent me on my way!

I thank God for mom and that experience. Because if it weren’t for her making me go back to work, in spite of the difficulties I was facing, I would have probably quit other things when they got too tough for me. It taught me respect and honor for my boss.

I strongly believe that this is missing in our society today. I often hear my nephews and nieces complain about their jobs and bosses and it grieves me. If only they would be grateful for the privilege to work and also understand that they need to obey and respect their bosses as they work for them. After all, they, just like us, they are representing Christ in the workplace!

Enjoy the study and may it spur you on to good works!

OBSERVATION - What do I see? (Ephesians 6:5-9) As you read the passage ask the Who? What? Where? When? How? questions.

INTERPRETATION - What does it mean?
For the last four months we have been going through the book of Ephesians, verse by verse, and I have to tell you that this has been one of the most fruitful series that I have taught.

We have seen couples who were living together commit to get married; parent and child relationships get restored; single adults vow themselves to remain pure until marriage; and most recently, men who were finally able to deal with the past hurts their parents had inflicted upon them in childhood. It amazes me what healing power the word of God has!

This week we continue our series looking at Ephesians 6:5-9. In this passage, it refers to slaves and masters. So, every time you come to the word “slave” substitute employee for it and when you come across the word “master” replace it with the word employer to put it in context.

The last three chapters of Ephesians can be set into four categories: 1. Walk in unity (4:1-16); 2. Walk in purity (4:17-20); 3. Walk in harmony (5:21-6:9); and 4. Walk in victory (6:9-24).

Slaves played a significant part in this society. There were several millions of them in the Roman Empire at this time. Because many slaves and owners had become Christians, the early church had to deal straightforwardly with the question of master/slave relations. Paul’s statement neither condemns nor condones slavery. Instead, it instructs masters and slaves how to live together in Christian households. In Paul’s day, women, children, and slaves had few rights. In the church, however, they had freedoms that society denied them. Paul tells husbands, parents, and masters to be caring.

Paul’s instructions encourage responsibility and integrity on the job. Christian employees should do their jobs as if Jesus Christ were their supervisor. And Christian employers should treat their employees fairly and with respect. Can you be trusted to do your best, even when your boss is not around? Do you work hard and with enthusiasm? Do you treat your employees as people or machines? Remember that no matter whom you work for, and no matter who works for you, the one you should ultimately want to please is your Father in heaven.

Although Christians may be at different levels in earthly society, we are all equal before God. He does not play favorites; nor is one more important than another.  Paul’s letter to Philemon stresses this same point: Philemon, the master, and Onesimus, his slave, were brothers in Christ.

APPLICATION - How does it apply to my life?

  • Do you remember your first job? What was it? What did you learn from it?
  • How should a Christian employee’s responsibility to his employer reflect his relationship to Christ?
                  (v. 5) Obey and respect your boss.
                  (v. 6) Stop trying to impress your boss.
                  (v. 6b) Find God’s will in your work.
                  (v. 7) Picture God as your boss.
                  (v. 8) Look to the Lord’s reward.
                     Which do you struggle with? Why?

  • How are employees often guilty of the prohibitions found in v. 6?
  • What attitude does God tell employers to give up? Why?
  • Employees, in what specific ways could you honor Christ more as you work with lost people daily?
  • What attitude(s) that you have towards your employer or employees have come under question as you did the study? Take it to God in prayer and ask Him to change your heart.

Friday, June 24, 2011

"Do I Have To?"

A living miracle: our daughter, Tara
June 18, 2011
Many of you have been inquiring about how our daughter, Tara, is doing now after being intubated and in a coma for 2 weeks in ICU. So, here’s a letter she’s personally written to each of you!
Dear SVCC Family,
Praise God!  It’s been almost a month since I was released from the rehabilitation center and almost two months since I was admitted into ICU at UNMH.  What a relief to be back to normal and sharing God’s miracles with so many of you (and many others) from all over the world!
Thank you so much for your constant prayers, unending faith and support in so many ways.  God is so powerful and faithful that, at times, it can seem so unreal!  However, I have managed to beat the odds during this whole ordeal, but only with God’s grace.
Isn’t God good?  God has provided for my family when we thought even getting groceries would be a struggle.  He also provided when we didn’t know if we could pay rent or even continue to have a home.  In this hard time, God healed me in more ways than just physically.
After being so anxious to leave the rehabilitation center and many days of talking myself out of escaping, I was finally discharged.  This time was really difficult!  When relearning how to walk, shower and even holding a fork was difficult, the support of our church and church family helped us through it.  They were so faithful with prayers, food and visits.  I couldn’t wait to get out and share the truth of God’s love and power!
Sunday came quickly and God began to move.  We had been studying the book of Luke and the parables, in depth. This particular Sunday was on the parable of the children coming to God in the church.  We dove deep into what was really happening in this scripture, but God had already begun talking to me since I woke up from the coma.
God had brought to light the real meaning of faith for me.  True faith.  In this scripture we discussed how God was asking us to be like children and see Him thru the eyes of a child.  I had shared with our community group that God had revealed Himself to me as a father…The Father.
I explained to them that for me to get through this experience, and even just life, I would have to really believe that God was my Father.  I trusted my dad with my life.  I trusted him to give me guidance, provide for me and protect me, even as an adult.  Then why wouldn’t I do that with my heavenly Father!
I want to encourage you to look at God as your true Father and through the eyes of a child.  Be His children.  Trust in Him to take care of you like you were His child….because you are!
God’s power is so real!  Please continue to pray for us.  I am healing daily and we are trusting God to provide.  Please pray for the patients in hospitals everywhere who do not have support, hope, or God in their lives.  It can be a very grim sight.
Remember that God does not just heal the physical and emotional, but He is capable of healing Faith too!
***************************
Thank you for praying for us and for our daughter. Your prayers have contributed to her miracle healing! Enjoy the study & questions and may they spur you on to good works! 
---Ruben & Gayla

Read: Ephesians 6:1-3
Recite: “... that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” (v. 3)
Relax: Did you obey your parents when you were young? If you did, why?
Research:
     (v. 1) Continuing the theme of Christian submission, Paul turned next to children. He assumed that children would be in the congregation of believers as this letter was read. By even addressing them–a segment of society that was considered to be virtually without rights –Paul elevated them and invested them with dignity and worth unheard of in the Roman world at the time. His command to them is simple: Obey your parents! This is not an absolute command; when a parent tells a child to do something unbiblical, immoral, or unethical, the law of God supersedes the will of the parent. But, aside from those extremes, children are to unquestionably obey their mothers and fathers. This is the way God intends it. It’s easy to see the immediate practical benefits of this for both children and parents because parents usually do know best.
     The Greek word for “children” (tekna) refers to young children living at home (see also Colossians 3:20, where the same word is used). The word “obey” conveys a stronger demand than the submission required of wives (Ephesians 5: 22). God requires children to obey because children need to rely on the wisdom of their parents. Jesus himself submitted to the authority of his earthly parents, despite his authority as the Messiah (Luke 2:51). All young children will, at times, disobey and test their parents’ limits. As they get older, they will understand why God wants them to obey. Obedience that recognizes parents’ authority can carry over into recognizing God’s authority. God’s plan for his people includes solid family relationships where respect, obedience, submission, and love for one another exists. When both the parents and the children love God, all of them will seek to obey and please him.
     (v. 2-3) Paul added the authority of the revealed law to the natural law described in 6:1, quoting the fifth commandment, recorded in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and mother.” Obeying and honoring are different. To obey means to do what another says to do; to honor means to respect and love. Children are to obey while under their parents’ care, but they must honor their parents for life. This command ends with a promise of a long life, full of blessing. How is this viewed the first commandment with a promise?  It is neither the first commandment, nor the first one with a promise, since the second commandment carries a promise with it. Commentators offer many explanations. Two are most helpful: (1) This is the first commandment (after the first four, which are general commandments) that deals with social involvements and codes for behavior. (2) More likely, this is the first or primary commandment for children to follow, but it holds a promise applicable to them. As children obey the command to honor their parents, they show an attitude of love and respect that they carry over into their relationship with God. Such an attitude provides a community that helps provide for and protect the aged. On the individual level, as each person cares for older people, the elderly live longer, and the younger people help pass the values down to the next generation.

Reflect:

  • What is a child’s first responsibility to his or her parents? What reasons does Ephesians 6:1 give?
  • What is the difference between honoring and obeying?
  • Honoring means ____________________________________________
  • Obeying means _____________________________________________
  • In Ephesians 6:2-3 what promise does God give to children, young or old, who honor and obey their parents?
  • How have you taught your children to obey you? Is it effective? What counsel would you give to brand new parents?
  • How are you at obeying and honoring your parents? What needs to change?

Request:  Would you take a moment and ask God to help you to do a better job in instructing your children. For those of you whose children are grown, ask God to reveal to you how you can be a better resource for them as they raise their own children. For those of you whose parents are still living, ask God to help you honor them in their latter years.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

“THE TOUGHEST JOB YOU’LL EVER LOVE”

Matthew, Nathan & Tara, Our Kids
Happy Father’s Day!

I always enjoy Father’s Day. It’s a day I look forward to next to my birthday. It always reminds me of how blessed I am to be a father and grandfather.

I don’t take my responsibility as a Father for granted or take it lightly. It’s a serious undertaking. But, in our society we find many who have “fathered” and leave, leaving their children behind to be raised by mom, grandparents, or by themselves. It takes a lot of work, great commitment and sacrifice  to be a real father and to see your kids through to adulthood.

I have three grown children and as I look at them it takes me back to when they were little. It causes me also to look back on my life and  am often convicted and sadden by my inconsistency in raising my kids. I am embarrassed to say as a pastor and as a Christian, on occasion I have provoked them to anger causing them to get bitter, over disciplined them, and been inconsistent in bringing them up according to God’s word. I have too often lived a life in contradiction to God’s word, thus failing to instruct them in the ways of God by the way that I lived.

I thank God for their forgiveness and a second chance. I have intentionally taken my children one by one and asked their forgiveness for what I did and didn’t do. As they say, “It’s all good” now.

God has given me a “do over”. Two of my kids have blessed me with grandkids and now I can actually put into practice what I learned at their expense over the last 35 years.

My adult children have come to acknowledge that the older they get the smarter I become. I love when they come to me for counsel. It validates me as their father and gives me an opportunity to talk to them about how I raised them and about what are the things they need to avoid or enforce.

Both of them now have “teenagers”. Woo hoo! I now enjoy watching them struggle with their own kids in the same area they gave me flack. But there is one thing I know for sure, my boys are there for their children. They are there for the long haul regardless of what their children bring home. What a blessing it is to see them take on the role of being a real Father. Boys, I am proud of both of you. Happy Father’s day.

Enjoy the questions and may they spur you on to good works!

Read: Ephesians 6:4

Recite: “... bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Relax: What TV family, reflects your family? In what ways?

Research:
 
Parental discipline should help children learn, not exasperate and make them angry. In Colossians 3:21, Paul gave the same advice, adding that if children are disciplined in unloving and irresponsible ways, they may become discouraged and resentful. In families of Paul’s day, the father had full legal rights over his children and often ran his household with rigid control. In Jewish families, the fathers were responsible for the education of the children. Paul did not have to establish the fathers’ authority; rather, his aim was to set the limits on harsh treatment. Parenting is not easy–it takes lots of patience to raise children in a loving, Christ-honoring manner. But frustration and anger should not be causes for discipline. Parents can remove the exasperating effect of their discipline by avoiding nagging, labeling, criticizing, or dominating. Don’t goad your children into resenting you. Paul wrote specifically to fathers because, in that culture, fathers were the absolute head of the home, with complete control and authority. For Paul to say that they needed to treat their children as human beings and consider their feelings was revolutionary. As Christ changed the way husbands and wives related, so he changed the way parents and children related.

Parents ought not provoke their children, and neither should they abandon their responsibility to guide, correct, and discipline them. Parents still have a job to do for their children–to bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord. The words “bring up” imply nourishing and cherishing. “Discipline” includes punishment for wrongdoing combined with persistent love (see Proverbs 13:24; 22:6, 15; 23:14), all as part of the “instruction” of a child.

Because many slaves and owners had become Christians, the early church had to deal straightforwardly with the question of master/slave relations. Masters and slaves had to learn how to live together in Christian households. They were to be treated equally in the church. In Paul’s day, women, children, and slaves had few rights. In the church, however, they had freedoms that society denied them.

Reflect:
  • If you are a father, what Father’s Day was your most memorable? What made it so memorable?
  • How would you consider your relationship with your father to be/been? Why? How can you be a better dad?
  • What are some ways that we can provoke our children?
  • What are some ways that we can cause them to resent us?
  • What would your kids say about you as a a dad? Why? What can be improved?
Request:
  • Whether your a mom or dad, take a moment and ask God in prayer to help you be the best parent you can possibly be.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

“How To Have A Successful Marriage - Part 4”

Relate:

I realize that a varied audience will be reading this. For some of the questions that I have provided for you below, you will have to modify your answers to your specific relational status. If you are single you will want to talk about your joys and struggles in relationships that relate to the two things we will continue talking about this Sunday: sacrifice and respect. Regardless of your relational status, you can AND should learn from God’s word and one another, as a community of God!

I look back to my own upbringing and remember a home where there was not much discussion, or even open affection expressed between my mom and dad. Don’t get me wrong, there was no question in my mind that they loved each other and loved me. I just can’t remember a time when I saw them argue between themselves. I never once felt insecure and thought that they would leave each other.
On the other hand, Gayla’s family was loud, engaged, vocal and too often, even entertaining! I remember the first time I was in her home and witnessed an argument between her parents. I honestly got scared. I didn’t know how to respond.

Now, you take both of those backgrounds and bring them together in marriage, our marriage, and you have a prescription for potential disaster! How in the world do you blend both of these totally different experiences into a way that would honor each other and honor God?

Like many, we had lots of ups and downs early in our marriage even though we were both Christians. I remember when we had the ugliest argument ever and walking away thinking, “This marriage is over!”

The problem with BOTH of the ways we had been raised, is that neither one of us had been trained or modeled for us how to: communicate properly, make decisions, respect each others roles, and how to handle our mistakes and our differences. We didn’t know how to honor Christ in our marriage!  Do you?

We are not blaming our parents, but we have learned from their mistakes and through our own. God is good! We are not where God wants us to be, but we are working at it and a heck of a lot better than we used to be. I am sure that there is no question in our kids minds that we love each other, love them and love Christ, and by His grace, we will continue working towards being the best spouse, parent and grandparent we can be, for His glory!

Come this Sunday and hear a practical message from God’s word, that if you will apply it, will help make your marriage and relationships better.

Enjoy the questions!

Read: Ephesians 5:31-33

Recite: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become on flesh.” (v. 31)

Relax: Did you grow up in a home where you felt secure in your parents “oneness”?

Research:
  • Read Genesis 2:18-25. Make a list of the things that Adam experienced in these verses. What is significant about these experiences in terms of God’s design for marriage?
  • Why is it important that the principle in Genesis 2:24 was recorded at the very onset of God’s creation? How does this create a paradigm for all marriages? What do you think it means to “commit to oneness”?
  • Read Genesis 2:25-3:13. What changed between Genesis 2:25 and 3:7-10? How did this change Adam and Eve’s relationship?
  • Read Genesis 3:16-19. How would the relationships between men and women be changed by our fall into sin? After sin entered the world, how can a couple maintain a oneness for which they were created?
  • Read Ephesians 5:31-33. Verse 33 gives two commands: one for husbands and one for wives. These commands are intended to address the major marital needs of each spouse. What are the needs and how are they different for each spouse? When you’ve worked through a conflict in your relationship, how do you know that you have fully restored the oneness of your relationship rather than just saying the right thing and moving on?
  • When have you experienced a healthy relationship, what kinds of things were you doing to develop and nurture oneness together? Do you find that over time you stopped doing some healthy things that you used to? Is there anything in your life that is driving a wedge between the two of you?
Reflect:
  • What is the one thing you can prioritize over the next 30 days to develop oneness in your marriage?
Request:
  • How can you or your group pray and encourage one another to honor God in our relationships?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

“How To Have A Successful Marriage - Part 3”

I warn you in advance: this “Refresco” is a little different from past ones.

This has been one of the most difficult seasons that Gayla and I have ever experienced in our ministry years and marriage. We have been challenged in our relationship, finances, health, ministry and most recently the health issues with our daughter and mother-in-law. When I say that, I know that we are not alone. Many of you have or are going through the same thing. My prayer is that as I share some thoughts with you that they will serve to encourage you in your marriage.

As I look at this past year, I ask, “Where do we go from here?” God once again reminded me, “You are the husband and you need to take the initiative and be proactive assessing and addressing the issues that your marriage is facing.”
I share this so that you can understand that we all face issues, problems and crises in our marriages and lives, but also, to help you realize that ALL marriages are under attack.

On Wednesday, Gayla reminded me, “You haven’t asked me what I want for my birthday yet”, (it’s on Friday-2 days away). I thought for a second: “Here is a good opportunity to do something special or go somewhere she likes to go and make her special day extra special. So like a good husband I asked, “What would you like?” Her response was, “Let’s stay home all day” ... my mind began to wonder, thinking this is getting good! And then she finished,“... so I can do some deep Spring cleaning.”   Gayla wants to stay home and do some spring cleaning on her birthday! That’s just wrong!

I have to tell you that God has given me as my life and ministry partner, a beautiful, godly lady who is strong, an extremely gifted organizer, generous, loves God and loves people. I will do anything for her, BUT spring cleaning on her birthday? That just isn’t right!  Again, God reminded me, “That is what she wants to do.”

Gayla is also my greatest ministry supporter. She is always looking for ways to serve God, you and me. Just yesterday as she was doing the first editing on my outline, she excitedly commented, “Ruben I found an article that I really think would be something that you could allude to in your “Refresco”. I took her advice.

Below you will find some exercises that I know will be of help to your marriage and will bless your spouse. How do I know this?  Because they have challenged me and as I look forward to their application, I know that it will help our marriage. So let’s do some “Spring Cleaning” together. Enjoy!

Recite: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:32)

Marriage “Spring Cleaning” Checklist:

Daily:
  • Say, “I love you.”
  • Hug, hold hands, or in some other way non sexual physically touch.
  • Share a meal, even if it’s a quick cereal breakfast. Or meet for coffee/tea at the kitchen table after the kids are asleep.
  • Ask your spouse at least one question and really listen to the answer. (“How was your day?” etc.)
  • Pray together.
Weekly:
  • Worship together.
  • Do ministry together.
  • Socialize with others. This could be LIFE Group/Bible study, double date with godly friends, or meal with extended family.
  • Go on a date. It doesn’t have to be expensive or even cost money. Watch an old movie or share a picnic at a local park. Just carve out time to enjoy each other.
  • Surprise your spouse by giving a small gift, writing a note, or completing an unexpected shore that has been requested or needs to be done.
  • Enjoy physical intimacy. God has designed sex for more than procreation.
Monthly:
  • Perform an act of service not normally part of your routine as a couple.
  • Discuss, without criticizing, anything that’s bothering you that hasn’t been resolved.

Quarterly:
  • Get away for a weekend or even one night without the kids.

Annually:
  • Take a vacation or stayaction. If funds are limited, spend a week together relaxing in the backyard, taking day hikes, or visiting nearby tourist or historical attractions.
  • Assess your long-term ministry, financial, and marriage goals as a couple or, create some new ones. Goals might center around things you’d like to do together, ministries you’d like to support, or skills you’d both like to learn.

Take your spouse on a date and create a list that matches YOUR marriage. There are so many distractions in our world today - from television to the economy, the demands of our jobs, and even the pressures of getting kids from soccer camp to Little League. It’s easy to focus on the urgent and forget the important, so take a little time every day to purposefully “Spring-clean” your marriage. Come next spring, you might discover that your house is already in order and there isn’t any heavy-duty work required.
Questions excerpted from: April 2011 Homelife Magazine
Article written by: G. Ron Darbee and his wife Karen

Home Life magazines are available for you at the Resource Table. Pick up your FREE copy so that you can read the full story and other helpful articles.