“How To Have A Successful Marriage - Part 3”

I warn you in advance: this “Refresco” is a little different from past ones.

This has been one of the most difficult seasons that Gayla and I have ever experienced in our ministry years and marriage. We have been challenged in our relationship, finances, health, ministry and most recently the health issues with our daughter and mother-in-law. When I say that, I know that we are not alone. Many of you have or are going through the same thing. My prayer is that as I share some thoughts with you that they will serve to encourage you in your marriage.

As I look at this past year, I ask, “Where do we go from here?” God once again reminded me, “You are the husband and you need to take the initiative and be proactive assessing and addressing the issues that your marriage is facing.”
I share this so that you can understand that we all face issues, problems and crises in our marriages and lives, but also, to help you realize that ALL marriages are under attack.

On Wednesday, Gayla reminded me, “You haven’t asked me what I want for my birthday yet”, (it’s on Friday-2 days away). I thought for a second: “Here is a good opportunity to do something special or go somewhere she likes to go and make her special day extra special. So like a good husband I asked, “What would you like?” Her response was, “Let’s stay home all day” ... my mind began to wonder, thinking this is getting good! And then she finished,“... so I can do some deep Spring cleaning.”   Gayla wants to stay home and do some spring cleaning on her birthday! That’s just wrong!

I have to tell you that God has given me as my life and ministry partner, a beautiful, godly lady who is strong, an extremely gifted organizer, generous, loves God and loves people. I will do anything for her, BUT spring cleaning on her birthday? That just isn’t right!  Again, God reminded me, “That is what she wants to do.”

Gayla is also my greatest ministry supporter. She is always looking for ways to serve God, you and me. Just yesterday as she was doing the first editing on my outline, she excitedly commented, “Ruben I found an article that I really think would be something that you could allude to in your “Refresco”. I took her advice.

Below you will find some exercises that I know will be of help to your marriage and will bless your spouse. How do I know this?  Because they have challenged me and as I look forward to their application, I know that it will help our marriage. So let’s do some “Spring Cleaning” together. Enjoy!

Recite: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” (Ephesians 5:32)

Marriage “Spring Cleaning” Checklist:

Daily:

• Say, “I love you.”
• Hug, hold hands, or in some other way non sexual physically touch.
• Share a meal, even if it’s a quick cereal breakfast. Or meet for coffee/tea at the kitchen table after the kids are asleep.
• Ask your spouse at least one question and really listen to the answer. (“How was your day?” etc.)
• Pray together.

Weekly:

• Worship together.
• Do ministry together.
• Socialize with others. This could be LIFE Group/Bible study, double date with godly friends, or meal with extended family.
• Go on a date. It doesn’t have to be expensive or even cost money. Watch an old movie or share a picnic at a local park. Just carve out time to enjoy each other.
• Surprise your spouse by giving a small gift, writing a note, or completing an unexpected shore that has been requested or needs to be done.
• Enjoy physical intimacy. God has designed sex for more than procreation.
  

Monthly:

• Perform an act of service not normally part of your routine as a couple.
• Discuss, without criticizing, anything that’s bothering you that hasn’t been resolved.

Quarterly:

• Get away for a weekend or even one night without the kids.

Annually:

• Take a vacation or stayaction. If funds are limited, spend a week together relaxing in the backyard, taking day hikes, or visiting nearby tourist or historical attractions.
• Assess your long-term ministry, financial, and marriage goals as a couple or, create some new ones. Goals might center around things you’d like to do together, ministries you’d like to support, or skills you’d both like to learn.

Take your spouse on a date and create a list that matches YOUR marriage. There are so many distractions in our world today - from television to the economy, the demands of our jobs, and even the pressures of getting kids from soccer camp to Little League. It’s easy to focus on the urgent and forget the important, so take a little time every day to purposefully “Spring-clean” your marriage. Come next spring, you might discover that your house is already in order and there isn’t any heavy-duty work required.

Questions excerpted from: April 2011 Homelife Magazine
Article written by: G. Ron Darbee and his wife Karen

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